Still Fucking Up

Today we were going to return to the bar where we first met. I had to park further away than usual. I saw Her walking and met up with Her along the way. I fetched our drinks, and some napkins, and claimed Her seat. I had brought a sweat rag with me, but it wasn’t helping much. The musical performer was not the usual one. My Owner was not very impressed.

We had a couple of drinks as I vented about my day and She vented about Hers. We talked about ghosts and who knows what else. I made a joke about lube being nice, referring to the sans lube finger fucking She had given my ass the other day. She seemed amused by it at the time. She told me with a grin that She had set up a little test for me. All She would tell me is was that it was something She hadn’t texted me about. I was a worried. I have trouble passing Her tests when I know what I’m supposed to do.

When She decided it was time to go, I raced back home and tried to get everything ready before She got there. I had Her wine poured and was able to greet Her at the door, at least. She had me put on the music and start cutting the cheese. I sliced it thin, just how She likes. She was pleased that I had procured pepperoni as well. She had mentioned it in passing, previously, but had not given me specific instructions regarding it for today. I had passed Her test! I am always happy when I am able to please Her.

I struggle to remember the details of this next bit, and I don’t know why. I can’t for the life of me remember the context, but I made some other joke about lube. She grabbed me. I want to say She grabbed me by the nipples, but my stupid brain can’t remember for sure. She grabbed me and pulled me in real close, and in one of Her sterner tones said something like, “I don’t want to hear you mention wanting lube again, do you understand me?” I am sure I must have begged for Her forgiveness.

She had me take Her things into the shower. She had me set the appropriate temperature and then entered the shower. She told me She couldn’t hear Her music, and directed to go turn it up. I did so as quickly as possible and came right back. A few minutes later, She asked if I was there. “Yes, Ma’am!” I said. She sent me to get something from Her bag in the other room. I was happy that I had been there for Her.

Minutes later, She opened the curtain and allowed me to watch Her shave Her pussy. I was glad I was only watching. I would not want to fuck up such a dangerous task. Perhaps some day I will be skilled enough to service Her in that way, but not today.

After Her shower, we went back to the kitchen. We snacked a bit more, cuddled, and kissed. I can’t for the life of me remember what She said to me then. I think maybe She said She couldn’t wait to fuck my ass with a strap-on, I honestly don’t know. Anyway, I made a joke that lube would be appreciated. I was only trying to amuse Her, but I really pissed Her the fuck off. She had told me not to mention lube again. I am such a fucking idiot.

She told me to bend over the bed. She spanked my ass real hard. It was for sure the hardest spanking of my lifetime. It stung like a motherfucker. As much as it hurt, I was glad She had decided to stay and punish me instead of just leaving. I didn’t want Her to be mad at me. If causing me some physical pain was going to make Her feel better, then I would gladly endure it for Her.

I told Her I was sorry and begged for Her forgiveness. She got some ice and rubbed it around my cock and balls, while continuing to spank my ass. The ice being rubbed around my package was a stark contrast to the fiery pain enveloping my right ass cheek. I cried out in pain with every strike. She took a picture of my ass when She was done. I hoped that Her anger had subsided.

She left me bent over the bed, and gathered Her things. When I went to join Her at Her side, She bellowed, “Did I give you permission to leave that room?” I stepped back into the bedroom area. She picked up the rest of Her things and stormed out. I was heartbroken.

After She left, I noticed that Her Shoes were still here. I immediately texted Her, apologizing for being such an idiot, and telling Her that Her shoes were still here and that I would be happy to deliver them to Her. To my surprise, She told me where to meet Her with the shoes. I was told to bring them “Now.”

When I met Her with the shoes, She did not look at me. Her passenger side window was down, and She blindly pointed to where I was to place Her shoes. I placed Her shoes where She had pointed and said, “I am so sorry Ma’am.” She did not acknowledge my existence. She drove away angry.

It was Her leaving angry that was hardest for me to take. If She is here, I can beg for Her forgiveness. If She is here, She can punish me until She feels better. When She leaves angry, I don’t know if She is ever coming back. I don’t know if I’ll ever have the opportunity to make up for my failures. It’s not like She doesn’t have dozens of wannabe subs lined up begging for a chance to take my place. I had no idea how long She was going to stay mad at me. I can’t have Her stay mad at me. I need Her in my life. Tears streamed from my face as I wondered what I could possibly do to earn Her forgiveness.

Later, She sent me a picture of my freshly spanked ass and commanded me to post it online. You can clearly see the outlines of Her fingers in the red. It is quite impressive. I am almost as proud of it as She is. Of course, when I posted it I fucked up the description with my improper usage of the word “this,” and She had to correct me again. I just can’t stop fucking up.

The red marks turned into a dark circular bruise that lasted all week, and reminded me of Her every time I sat down. I was proud of Her marks and enjoyed the constant reminder of Her. The physical pain that She inflicts is intense, but the intensity fades quickly, and the lasting soreness actually kind of feels good in a way. The emotional anguish of Her leaving angry was so much harder to bear. It was a deep, dark despair. I went to sleep knowing She was still angry with me. I did not sleep well.

The next morning, She wasn’t angry anymore. She texted me, telling me that She appreciates how earnest and dedicated I am as a sub. She said I need to reconcile the fact that I won’t always be able to please Her perfectly. She told me to find a way to relish both physical and mental anguish. She enjoys both experiences of being pleased and displeased. Excitement, arousal, and release are involved for Her in sadistic correction.

It makes me feel better knowing that She somehow gets some pleasure from being angry with me, and from correcting me. I will do my best to avoid angering Her in the future, but I know that it will happen. I will endure Her wrath and accept Her corrections, and become better for Her. For as long as She will have me, I will continue to improve for Her as She directs me. I know that She can help me reach my full potential. I know that She cares about me.

4 thoughts on “Still Fucking Up”

  1. Her power and control, Her cruelty are an addiction. I need to suffer at this Woman’s hands and will do anything for Her.

The greatest way for you to please my Owner is to leave comments on these journals. She expects that you will keep your comments related to the content, rather than verbally ejaculating all over the page. You will show Her the respect that She deserves.

Leave a Comment:

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *