The wonderful woman who goes by the moniker “craveme” has inexplicably taken pity on me and deigned to allow me into Her presence once more. It is now my duty to attempt to do Her majesty justice with my feeble words. I know it is impossible. I can only hope that I can pique Her interest enough that She will allow me into Her presence once more. I should have written this yesterday. She was kind to have given me extra time so it would not interfere with my work responsibilities.
Unfortunately, my head was spinning too much for me to write last night, and all I could do was relive the events of that evening over and over again in my mind. It was the happiest I had been in a long time. My mind was racing. My body was tingling. It was an intense high. Complete and total euphoria. Was this subspace? I could not get Her out of my head. Every once in a while I would jot something down to write about later, to make sure I wouldn’t forget the most important details.
This state that I was in continued well, well into the night. Around 1:00am, I was doing jumping jacks while trying to do my tongue exercises at the same time. That combination proved impossible. Somehow the motions of my tongue would get crossed with the motions of my arms and legs and I would begin flailing around like an idiot. I feel like an alien trapped in a human body. At 2:00am I was in bed with my eyes wide open, still thinking of Her. It was something much deeper than just sexual attraction. Something much more powerful.
At 2:01am, my phone lit up, and the sound of a new text message blared at maximum volume. Instantly I was at the edge of my bed, phone in hand. Could is be Her?!? No.. But wait, it IS?!? She told me that Her legs felt amazing. She said “good job.” She said “Mmmm.” I had brought Her pleasure. Not as much as She had brought me, but I had brought Her pleasure. I immediately texted Her back. She asked me what I was doing awake, and we texted for a whole hour. She helped me get to sleep. Four hours is so much better than none. She takes care of me.
Today was difficult. An emergency occurred at work, and another task did not go as planned and snowballed into something way more difficult than it should have been. Nothing that I had planned from the previous day had been completed. I felt drained, like nearly every molecule of serotonin had been burned out of my brain. I did not think it would be easy to write this journal tonight. However, already I am feeling better. The tight, throbbing pain in my head has settled down, and I am starting to feel more like myself again. I am thankful that I will be able to relive yesterday evening again.
It was to be my first service audition. She would be allowing me to shave Her legs. I was incredibly excited to be able to touch Her, to even be close to Her. But I was also incredibly terrified that I would slip and cut Her or that I would accidentally address Her in the wrong way or do some other boneheaded thing that would earn me Her ire. I could not let anything go wrong this time. I had both of Her favorite wines, a working wine stopper, cheese, and ice! I had also procured replacement razor blades according to Her specifications. I had gone over the list a million times. Nothing would be missed.
But first we were to go back to the bar where we had met that first day. This time we were going to sit in a different area with some lounge chairs in the sun. I procured drinks for us, and we started to walk down. At the top of the steps was the same dude who had been there and sat at our table last time. She stopped to talk to him at the top of the steps.
Awkwardly, I attempted to determine the appropriate place to stand. If I stood to Her left, I would be on the step below Her. I would have no problems being below Her, I assure you. However, I was terrified that I would somehow end up tripping Her and we would both go tumbling down the steps. That would be unfathomably bad.
If I stood to Her left I would be standing in between Her and him, which seemed like a power move… So I stood directly behind Her like an idiot, staring at the back of Her neck. I could not hear Her conversation at all. When She moved to continue on, I moved to follow. Then She paused, and whispered something in his ear. Then we continued down the steps. When we got to the bottom, She said, “Do you know what I told him?”
Without thinking I blurted out, “That I’m your little bitch?”
She laughed and said, “I told him you were gay.”
What?! That statement took me by surprise. She told me She sometimes takes bulls there and She doesn’t want him talking about me like I was Her boyfriend. Fair. I don’t really care if that guy thinks I’m gay. Close enough I guess.
We sat down in some lounge chairs with our drinks in the sun. It was a very nice day out. We talked about various things. She asked me about my beliefs, and what my favorite song was. She told me about foraging for dandelion greens, and that She knew a lot about that kind of thing. I told don’t know any of that, and would probably not survive the apocalypse. She said, “You’ll just have to stay close to me.” That is a very comforting thought.
She received several compliments on Her dress and shoes. Everyone can see how beautiful She is. At one point some dude asked to sit down next to us, and She said, “Sure.” Obviously he wanted Her, but he pussed out and made no further moves. I was secretly thankful. I was just so looking forward to servicing Her. Then just like that, an hour had passed and we had long finished our drinks, so it was time to go back to my place for my first service audition!
I got back home as quickly as I could, and managed to beat Her there. I had hoped I had time enough to go to the bathroom, but no! She had arrived while I was in there. I always try to greet Her at the door when She arrives and wait for Her to get out of Her car. Great, I’m fucking up already. I offered Her a choice of wines, and began to pour. She told me it would have been great if I had the glass already poured and waiting for Her when She arrived. Fuck! Another failure. I need to get better.
I managed to get the wine stopper into the bottle, but initially thought I had failed again because it went in far easier than the smaller bottle I had tested it on previously. She said, “No, you got it.” She was right. I’m such an idiot. I fumbled with getting the large wine bottle into the fridge with the stopper on it. She had to tell me to do that properly as well. I am so useless without Her direction.
To my delight, She had brought strawberries again. She asked me if I would like to learn how to cut a strawberry. Of course I would. I watched as She hulled the strawberry and bifurcated it twice with expert precision. She is so skilled at everything She does. She watched over my shoulder as I sliced through the next one, making sure I was doing it right. She approved, and allowed me to prepare the rest of the strawberries and cheese. I am always happy when I can earn Her approval.
She directed me to move a chair into the bathroom, bring the plate in, bring the wine, “Go put on my favorite concert, bring the plate in!!!” My head was spinning as I attempted to execute all of Her commands at once. Finally I was able to separate the commands, but can only execute one at a time, rushing back and forth to complete them. She had to keep reminding me what I was doing. I am such a bumbling idiot.
I was told to get a wash cloth and wet it with warm water. I did have a wash cloth! I wet it a little bit and said, “Is that enough?”
I wet it a little more. “Now?”
I wet it a little more.
“Just wet the whole thing!!” She said exasperatedly.
“Oh!” I shook my head in shame. What is wrong with me?
She told me that I needed to wet Her legs. I did my best to be smooth but I was anything but. It was as if I had never held a washcloth before. She laughed as I fumbled around. I was so nervous to be so close to Her, kneeling at Her feet. The wash cloth slipped and my hand touched Her leg a little bit. An accident! But She didn’t seem to mind. I let the wash cloth slip a little more.