I am having fond memories of when we all thought 2017 sucked.
I first became aware of COVID-19 when I saw people on Twitter joking about people in China wearing thongs as face masks to protect themselves. At the time, I didn’t think much of it other than, “Hmmm, people probably shouldn’t be joking about that.”
I started taking greater notice of it when I began seeing tech conventions and other events cancelled because of it. The severity of the situation and how close it was to me became starkly apparent when all of the toilet paper disappeared from the store shelves.
The first day of the governor’s state-wide stay-at-home order was a rough one. Work had been incredibly slow lately anyway, even with both of my subordinates being laid off. Nothing happened that day. Not a single support call or email. Nothing in my queue except tickets put on hold due to customers closing their operations.
My brain was too fried to do anything productive. I spent my time refreshing my news and social media feeds, finding nothing. I stared at the screen blankly, motionless. I wavered between feelings of dissociative numbness, anxious panic, and impending doom. I fought to hold back tears, and failed repeatedly. Everything seemed hopeless.
The governor’s order commanded everyone to stay at home except for work at an essential business or for essential activities, like picking up groceries. My work provides support to essential businesses, therefore we are deemed essential. It isn’t essential for me to actually be at work though. I can do nearly everything remotely, at no additional cost to the company. So why the fuck am I here, staring at nothing? I could be doing the same shit at home with my dick in my hand.
I took an early lunch break to visit the supermarket in off-peak hours and pick up some coffee and whatever else I could find. Today was the first day they were limiting the number of people that could be in my supermarket at a time. Despite it being off-peak hours and pouring rain, six customers were still ahead of me to get in the door. All of us spaced six feet apart, as mandated. I watched a person or two come out with carts piled to the top. No fucking way I was going to get in there during my lunch break. I headed home.
When I got home, my girlfriend was on a video conference call, interviewing for a job. I did my best to hide from the camera as I snuck past her into the bathroom. I began to take a nice long shit, and pulled up a video on my phone to pass the time. I watched one of my favorite talk show hosts interviewing one of my other favorite talk show hosts from their homes. Everything looks like a low budget YouTube channel now. They talked about being stuck at home due to COVID-19. What else was there to talk about?
My shit ended before the interview, so I paused it. Maybe I’ll watch it later. I wiped my ass with a minimal amount of toilet paper and washed my hands, obviously. I made my way into the kitchen, poured myself the rest of the coffee that my girlfriend had made earlier that day, and tried to get my fucking shit together.
I was having a nervous breakdown. My mind had been grinding all day, thinking about everything that was happening, and what it would mean for my relationships. Neither my Domme nor my girlfriend live with me. If we were truly adhering to the stay at home mandate, I would not see either of them for a while. Thankfully that has not been the case.
Not long after the stay-at-home mandate, I began to primarily work from home. I was very thankful to have a position where that was a possibility. My Domme was working from home as well. My girlfriend was finishing up school from home.
For the most part, we kept to our normal schedule. Due to the mandate, I unfortunately had no possibility of going to swim, or getting pedicures, or going out to any of Her favorite establishments. Thankfully we could still go for walks, and I have a nice trail right by my house.
She still shaves my head, and allows me to shave Her legs. She still allows me to cook for Her. We can still snuggle and watch TV together. She still kisses and cuddles me. She still bites my lip and pinches my nipples.
Today She commanded me to put my chastity cage on while She was visiting me. She would occasionally reach down and grab my caged package, giving it a yank or a squeeze before I impulsively jerked away. I was thankful that She was being gentle.
I was still caged when She left. She told me later to stay caged until one hour before my girlfriend was going to arrive, and explicitly stated that I was not allowed to cum until then. That would be a full day of being caged. It turned out that my girlfriend wasn’t even interested in sex that night, so my chastity was extended even further without my Owner even needing to will it.
I was a little bummed that I wouldn’t get to cum, but it made me feel giddy to have my Owner controlling my orgasms again. I was also thankful that I likely wouldn’t need to leave home for work during that time. I imagined the cage would be less of a distraction and burden, and more of a gentle reminder of my Owner and Her power over me.
I am very glad we are seeing each other despite the stay at home order. We have drastically reduced our circle of people to whom we are in contact. We are staying at O/our homes, and only going elsewhere when absolutely necessary. I hope that will be good enough. I don’t want any of us to get sick or get anyone else sick.
Things are not incredibly different for me. I am still seeing my Domme and my girlfriend. I hadn’t been seeing much of anyone else even before COVID-19. I’m still avoiding going shopping, just for additional reasons now. I’ve always been able to work from home, and always wanted to do so. I just hadn’t had a good reason not to come to the office.
Still, I miss normalcy. I miss being able to casually walk around a store and pick things up and look at them. I miss being able to go out to eat. Even delivery has me feeling paranoid now. I feel like my baseline anxiety has been heightened, and is further intensified any time I leave my house.
The virus hasn’t hit O/our state at full force yet. Conditions are likely going to get worse before they get better. It’s difficult to think about anything real without COVID-19 popping up. I try to unplug by delving deep into fantasy. I’m not sure how healthy that practice is, but it’s better than refreshing my feeds every thirty seconds.
My Domme is coming over to visit me again today. It’s been a couple of weeks since She’s been over to my place. Too long. I am looking forward to Her bossing me around in my house again. I need to feel Her dominance over me. I need Her directions and corrections. I need Her cuddles and kisses. I need to serve Her. I need to taste Her. I need to satisfy Her. I need to forget about everything except the connection we have.